My poor husband puts up with a lot of stuff. He copes with the fact that his wife, at any moment, could make some new decree and he would have to just deal with it. He does not challenge me just planning trips/events with my friends on a whim; or that maybe tomorrow I will stop eating cheese and so will he. He accepts that my social activism will sometimes get in the way of his misogynistic, dominantly white culture thoughts, and that if I had my way, we would stop using gas before the whole world collapses due to a peak oil crises. He will unwilling watch the news with me, and keep quiet when I start to yell at the tv in disdain. He puts up with the fact that I put up with a lot of things he loves (like this podcast he constantly listens to that I deem so dumb I don't know why anyone listens to it). I love my husband for his acceptance of things he can not control in me.
However, it saddens me to see him put up with the fact that Astrid and I are new best friends. Most of the time, he and she gets along right as rain. But occasionally, all she wants is mommy. Take last night for instance.
I wasn't feeling well do to a bad eating decision on my part earlier in the day. By the evening, I had stomach cramps and was in and out of the bathroom every 10 minutes. I couldn't hold or play with Astrid the way I wanted and would pass her off onto John. And she would cry. So much so that he started hanging out in the bathroom doorway so she could at least see me (talk about lack of privacy).
What saddens me most about all of this is that it makes him sad. He wants to be a part of the Scully BFF club too. We all know it's temporary and it doesn't even happen all the time; but it still makes for awkward moments and uncomfortable situations. I can't be the only parent and Astrid is slowly (and painfully) figuring that out. I can say it has gotten tremendously better over the past few weeks. Before, she would cry almost every time he held her. Now, it's just when she's extremely tired at night. Unfortunately that is major daddy time, when I get to shower off the caked on baby messes of the day or work on my master's coursework which has a deadline quickly approaching.
As I said it's temporary. She's young. For someone who has lived a large portion of her life attached to me, literally, I assume that time away feels like an eternity. I know she is always wondering why I ever put her down. Sometimes, it's just so her daddy can hold her.
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LET HER CRY. She's not wet, hungry, nor in pain. Tell John to keep his wits about him. Keep calm and sit down AWAY from you crying or not. It takes a few years for little ones to get object permanence down. I want to send you my Uni book on Childhood Development. THAT is a sound non-emotional take on parenting and how critters develop. But I like my $200 dollar book that I whip out quite often. I'll fax you excerpts. haha
ReplyDelete" I love my husband for his acceptance of things he can not control in me."
Simply, love it.